Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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