i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
