I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
