And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
