OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
