smell my finger.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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