No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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