We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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