Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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