He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
God, I missed his penis.
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