I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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