The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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