The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
