just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
