So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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