Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
