the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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