:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is her dick bigger than yours?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
