booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
