we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize