Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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