Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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