just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
