I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
