so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
