if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
