Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
