Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I understand Curling. That high.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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