Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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