Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
