fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
