I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
