i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
