i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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