so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
