yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
