I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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