I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Bring me that man meat
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
