lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
