I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
