I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
