I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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