we have officially lost it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
