Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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