I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
