How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
