Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
