On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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