she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Green mimosas i think yes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
