a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
