So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
