I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
