i jhust puked up my retainher.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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