Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
