either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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