I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
