At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
