Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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