I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
