but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
