if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
