Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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