As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
