things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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