Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
