he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
