So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
