they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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