I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
