i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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