If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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