I seem to have left my pride at pride
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
